The All Night Decorators
The Story So Far.............
Part Four: Let There Be Drums
All through the harsh and inhospitable winter of 1987, the Decorators strove to master their instruments of aural torture. Innes’ procurement of a chorus pedal was a disappointment. All it did was produce a wavery wibbly-wobbly effect like industrial swarf agitated in an oil drum, when he had expected a wash of Johnny Marr-like sound reminiscent of the heavenly host ‘giving it some Otis’ in the firmament. To this day, the man refuses to have anything to do with technology beyond the Telecaster and AC30. He also thought that an AC30 was the classic baby Austin of the late 50s till rockgearguru Stephen showed him pictures of Spiral Moon rehearsals in a Montrose gable-end from 1971, using the cheaper entry-level ‘Winfield Just Like Hank’s’ version, the first example of "tribute gear".
The arrival of Blair, sans sperm, but with er..kit, allowed Stephen to occasionally indulge in his adolescent fantasy. Not the one where he gets to wear Peter Frampton’s 1968 Herd standard-issue velvet loons (still decorating the inside of Innes’ guitar case) and have them removed slowly by That Bird From Pan’s People He’s Always On About. No, GS got to swap instruments with Al Blair at the end of the evening, and by digging from the depths of the ‘PA Bag’ his 1972 issue Chicory Tip PlatformsÔ was able to reach the bass pedal and operate the hi-hat. Innes, a former professional driver, used to observe this and wonder which was the clutch. Blair indulged common drummer fantasy by doodling on Stephen’s guitar, but since the crude genitalia and ‘Saintees 4 ivver’ were only drawn on in washable felt tip, the doodlings were easily removed. Boardman? He just looked on and argued...and argued...and argued...and argued...and argued ("No I bloody well didn’t" - George).
But other things beckoned. Boardman was press-ganged into selling timeshare in Malta. His fan club bulletin of the time refuted rumours that he volunteered for service, having misheard the question, "Do you fancy living on Malt?" This was rhetorical as far as GB was concerned, having an unhealthy capacity for the devil’s tincture and a desire to boost the economy of his beloved native Speyside.
Off he buggered anyway, at the same time as Blair, who decided that a career in writing the Muirton-later-Macdiarmid programme and the officially-sanctioned History of St Johnstone to supplement his £40,000 a year pittance as an ‘exec’ with Austin Cambridge or A60 or 1100 Countryman was what he wanted to do with his life. A drummer with a life? Revolutionary these Decorators.....
Innes, sensing that the next Summer of Love was about to happen in 88 took early steps and bought ‘a house’, hoping to make his millions from holding acid parties there. Doh!!
Stephen retired to his bedroom, his books, his Kleenex.....The fledgling Parkers’ Comics was born. AYamaha 4-track, a synth, a long coveted Gibson 335, an effects unit, another effects unit, a vowel please Carol, arrived in the extended ‘Casa Granda’ - his house named in homage to his hero Moby Ron from Brookside (first class fanzine ‘Close To You’ available from PO Box 368, Aboyne. £1.50), taking half his name and half of Linda’s - funded largely as ‘legit business expenses, like’ from the comic offshoot. Inviting Innes round one night to view the soundscape palette available, he only succeeded in frightening the copper-domed soulman, who left jabbering, "HG Wells, Aldous Huxley, Orwell, Korg, Yamaha, Allis Chalmers, Blue Weaver, Rick Wakeman...aaaarrrgh).
Had a Mediterranean rock, dubious employee relations at Aberdeen Journals, technology and, let’s not be coy, apathy finally nailed The All Night Decorators? "Golly, Darbishire, hope not, thought they were rather spiffing oiks with their spiky melodic rock and insistence on C# minor . Isn’t he the younger sprog of Seesharp from the upper fourth? That postal order arrived yet? If it has meet up tonight in my dorm for lashings of fizzy pop and sticky buns. And don't tell Bunter!"
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